Friday, January 27, 2006
Eye Contact...
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64 Comments:
Few notes on my blog...
Ha ha ha!!! I LOVE THIS!!! So good!
Where's the joke? Mark gouged Ed's eyes out and put them on Hannah's head. What's so funny about that?
In my opinion Bifsniff has become a forum for sickos and perverts. It used to be such a light-hearted site, one I looked forward to. Now there's too much hate and violence there-in the cartoons and in the blog which is obviously some sort of insider gag/publicity gimick.
I think I'm going to do some editing to my favourites list on my browser. You guys suck!
It's me again. You've just changed the text, haven't you. It was 'wouldn't take his hands off of Hannah." Now it's 'take his eyes of of Hannah', which does make it kind of funny I suppose.
Thanks Lingo Slinger! Good to have you around...!
Anonymous: sorry you feel that way - it's not a publicity gag, BifSniff has always had it's fair share of grotesqueness. We're sorry to be losing a reader, but we are obviously not suited to your taste. Hope you find something more to your liking!
erm... we didn't change the text you know...
But you did, I saw it change right before my eyes, a kind of a blurr came across the screen and there was a voice in my head and when I looked again hands had changed into eyes. I swear, I saw it. That's why I asked where's the joke. With hands it wasn't funny but with eyes it is. You changed it after reading my comment. I know you did. Just admit it. Or are you trying to say I'm imagining things. Is that what you're trying to say. Maybe you think I should take all those tablets that make me feel bad and dizzy all the time too. Just admit it, you changed the text after reading my comment.
Ed looks really relaxed for a guy with no eyes! It's cool!
But I think anonymous bosch was right-I saw hands as well!
Mark looks like Brian from the film 'Personal' before he went mad in the Amazon.
Ed looks like Ed from 'Personal' only he's got no eyes.
Don't worry what some people are saying. I think your cartoons are great and it's really inspiring to see you coming up with great ideas week after week. That can't be easy. Keep up the good work!
By the way, if you or your readers get the chance, check out the film 'Personal'-it's brilliant.
'anonymous bosch' ... ha ha ha ha...
who's in the film 'personal' - I couldn't find it on IMDB...
Please admit you changed hands to eyes. I know I saw it. You're driving me mad!!!!!!!
Sorry... no... as you pointed out that just wouldn't have made any sense!!!
That was me writing that! These are truly sad times in which we dwell if one is no longer even permitted to insult oneself. I know I really should have written some sycophantic bullshit along the lines of " Oh This my favourite... its so great .. sooo funny.. you güys are soooooo talented and witty and clever.... let´s have a mature discussion about this.. et al" Bollocks!!!! My sincere apologies to have stepped out of line and tarnished this forum of the feeble-minded, which I know you both rely upon as a soporific to your slimy souls, but then I am incapable of being sincere so allow me to sign off with a simple sigh of indescribable nausea.
Just don't talk about your body parts. There's been far too much discussion about them already.
Oh and if you´re in touch with Karina please try and get her number.
They´re my only possession so I´ll talk about them because I must. But thank you for not replying with a bad pun like "Val is really off his tits!" Au revoir.
what's happened? You guys used to have funny cartoons, now they're so violent! I agree with anonymous- this isn't funny with so much murder and violence in the world.
I'm sorry but there's always been a touch of violence around BifSniff. In our first month alone we had a suicide, gangster intimidation, a bloody shoot-out and an assault with a large rock. It's always been the case.
Geez, it made me laugh...
Humor is in the "eye" of the beholder I guess (snicker)
I don't know why, but Blogger has locked me out of my old blog. It still accepts comments, but I can't get it to publish anything new, or make any changes to the template. I even attempted to use FTP to upload it to my domain, but that also failed.
I struggled with it for days, writing letters to Blogger Help and Support, all for naught, so I’m starting over at: Enter the Laughter Redeux
http://enterthelaughter.blogspot.com/
Trying to notify all of my previous links. Trying not to think evil thoughts - LOL
Things have become very dull around here. More sex and less violence, please!
Dear Webmaster,
I have noticed that your "inspiration" for this cartoon was drawn from The Scathach episode in An Tain, an ancient Celtic work which, as Irishmen, I am sure you are both familiar.
In actual fact, this is the second cartoon to have been inspired from an episode of An Tain which has come under my notice. There is also a cartoon dating from around September of 2005, which I cannot now locate, which contains several notable elements from The Epic of Gilgamesh.
I am of course delighted to have found you are familiar with such works, but in the future it would be of immense benefit to both your readership and the propogation of ancient texts if you could cite and reference such "inspirations" in the adjoining notes. I am, of course, not accusing you of plagiarism.
Kind regards,
Stewart Naseby,
Chairman of The P.A.W.N. Society
(Protection of Ancient Wisdom)
How could you even be bothered?
Dear Webmaster,
I am sorry that you cannot find the time to reply(1). There is, of course, the possibilty that you are reluctant to reply due to a fear of litigation.
Allow me to assure you that this is not a possibility, unfortunately, as ancient texts fall outside the creative realm protected by modern copyright laws. This is, in actual fact, the very reason for the existance of P.A.W.N. If you are indeed innocent of plagiarism I would suggest that you are operating on or close to an ancient ley-line, so your "inspirations" may be explained by the controversial phenomenon of telepathy(2).
On a side note, I have noticed my mistake in extrapolating the name of the society which I represent - Protection of Ancient Wisdom and Narration(3). I do apologise, but I was somewhat distracted by an Assyrian fragment upon my desk.
Kind regards,
Stewart Naseby,
Chairman of The P.A.W.N. Society
(Protection of Ancient Wisdom and Narration)
(1) There is also the possibility that there is no webmaster available, seeing as this is an amateur website which is very rarely frequented by visitors other than your friends and families.
(2) If this were the case, we may consider sending an archaeological team to survey your location. They would, naturally, be accompanied by a telepath.
(3) On a footnote to the side-note, P.A.W.N. initially represented Protection Of Ancient Wisdom and Gnosis (knowledge). As this was not in accordance with the acronym "Pawn", this was later changed to "narration", which should have been obvious to all of us from the very beginning as we are primarily concerned with ancient texts. In recent times there has been some debate as to whether we should change the meaning of "P" in our initials to denote propagation rather than protection, but this debate is really only of interest to our members and certain archivists outside our circle.
The eyes are the said to be the windows to the soul. If this is indeed so, then Ed has given away his immortal soul for the sake of a cheap joke at the expense of, it must be said, a pretty average looking girl. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder (pardon the pun), but I find this extremely disturbing. This is not a cry for help. Merely a whimper.
I should explain that my anxiety of Ed losing his soul follows the notion that the soul is a gaseous entity which would duly evaporate if the windows to its chamber were to be left slightly ajar or, indeed, removed in their entirety. Naturelment, the notion that the soul resides in the eye-balls ought to be dismissed outright as both an absurdity and a debasement of metaphysical theory. Nevertheless, what is true for Ed is true for all of us. Keep your eyes in your skull lest you be cast into the outer darkness.
I always suspected that I never had a soul anyway so I'm not that bothered. The eyes are a strong point though. Ed
Dear Webslaves,
The amateurish nature of this website beggars belief. I am extremely perturbed by your apparent refusal to answer the charges brought before you. In the name of all that is good and holy, stop cowering beneath your desks and address this accusation. I really don´t have the time to be dealing with this sort of nonsense.
Kind regards,
Stewart Naseby,
Lord Protector of all that is Good and Holy.
I find this cartton hilarious. Well done
Quite to the contrary, it has long since become very apparent that you have way too much time on your hands.
Dear Webworm,
At least allow me to congratulate you for your profound and insightful gaze. There truly is no irony, however subtle, which could ever escape your notice. That is to say, I believe that I drew attention to the very same point myself. Godforsaken parasite, sucking the life essence from all that is good and holy, end this despicable plagiarism and create something original at once, if you find it within your means to do so.
Warm regards,
Stewart Naseby,
Lord Protector of the New Jerusalem.
If you insist on deleting my comments in the future, in the interest of fairness, I demand that you remove ALL of my past comments as well. At least let it be clearly shown to all visitors that you are censoring comments that do not meet your approval. Do this and I won´t trouble you again.
Sure thing Val, just send me an email taking responsibility for ALL the comments you wrote, and detailing whch ones they are, and I'll delete them all. Thanks!
Eye contact:
Val
Bored Hooker
S. Naseby
Last anon
Decisions..:
1st anon "daughter"
Concerned Mother
2nd anon "ice bag"
Marquis
Bellinda
Ms. Baumgarten
Daniel
Comte de Maldoror
Val
Anon "Advocating Total War"
Phantom Menace
Probing Q:
Marianne
A very anal probe
Valmont
Anon who loves NASA/Deep Throat Jnr
Education Reform:
Anon "Jenin"
Shemale
Marquis and his cast ofcharacters
Marianne
Bellinda
(Think outside box anon wasn´t me)
BLOGS:
Bif`s Tot. Lib.:
1st anon
Blog comment policy:
Ms Baumgarten
Val
Last anon
And he was doing so well:
All 9 (was bored)
Target of WUM?:
1st Anon
Anon "Hot librarian is resp"
Tomi Ungerer:
Bellinda
God is back:
God
Eoin´s admirer
I am actually sure that´s everything. Quite a lot of anon stuff wasn´t me, including the "you have been psychologically tested" anon. which you seemed to think was the prankster. Afraid not, and I don´t know. P. Finkelstein wasn´t me either. Jenin was my first ever comment. You have actual enemies.
Regards,
Le Marquis de Valmont (and numerous other personae)
I'm impressed. I figured as much, but still, it was good going.
We know who Finkelstein is, he had us going for a while, but when we went back and re read them we realised we'd been had.
You really want me to delete all those comments for you then?
Frank and Biff.
Please DO NOT remove these above posts. This Valmont chap is not only a talented writer but also quite the comedian. Well done whoever you are. I would offer you a job in my writing company if I was in a position to do so.
An admirer (of both cartoons and comments)
Thanks (in part) to Comedian Rowan Aitkenson, the U.K government was stopped from making religious slurs illegal. We are still free (for the time being ) to criticise Allah, Jesus and Finkelstein's God (not money... the other one!) Your website should not go down before Mr. Blairs despicable government!
To be honest I was thinking it would be a shame to delete them all. They are now a part of our history.
You guys did a good job.
Talk to you soon Martin.
How could we delete such a fine testament to time well spent?
I have double checked and found I missed 2 comments: ?, Field director of WUM Int. (not one of my finest moments) and anon above who is anxious about our souls evaporating (not that Ed´s soul of particular concern to me, and is perhaps only of real concern to his lovely mother){This can´t be right, let us petition the Almighty at once} For the record, some of the more offensive comments were not my own, simply because I can´t be bothered to draw an actual critique of your work, And I have not accused Biff of being a fascist with "his skinhead and braces" or a "culture studies student". I find no reason to direct insult at Mr. Biff, nature has already done a far better job before me. Apart from being a pompous and pathetic webworm and parasite, that is. Comments directed at others were not my own, with the exception of Eoin´s admirer. He needs one. I think you´ll find most of my offensive comments were directed at myself ( and occasionally Frank, purely for the sake of variation). I will permit you to keep the comments where they are if you will post one final insult, which you have previously deleted 3 times. It may be egomania, but I´m sure you´ll agree I have saved my finest moment for myself:
If Val is actually a girl then he surely more closely resembles a decayed female corpse rather than a living woman, and could certainly never be mistaken as an actual embodiement of the female form. I would dare say, and keep in mind this is only my own personal view, that he is far more likely to be the forlorn wraith of a tortured metrosexual arisen from his grave, and now presently to be found wandering Europe, desperately in search of his Iron Age maschara.
Fingers crossed, 4th time works a charm. A genuine artist will always sacrifice the esteem in which he is held by his fellows for the cause of his art. Let this be a lesson to you all.
Your Most Beloved Marquis,
Valmont xxx
How could we refuse such an eloquent request? Better than your churlish pleading and temper tantrum when I deleted the originals.
This is not the first time I have been accused of being a diva, and I am quite sure that it won´t be the last.
It's been fun Val.
By the way, you missed a great gig in Dublin - myself and Jeremy went to Bauhaus and met up with Ed and Paul up there.
Anyway, talk soon.
You leave my mother out of this Griffin or i'll take back that comment about you being a talented writer and comedian (Frank's detective skills being way off course as usual)
It was worth a shot. Had to be one of you!
My apologies, Ed, to both you and your lovely ....... I would have liked to have seen Bauhaus, think they´re playing Berlin soon but I´m a little short of cash. Now I really must return to anonymity, I have been neglecting my true call of late, alerting the various American Security Agencies to the possible whereabouts of Jihadists and other alien lifeforms. In case you were unaware, those responsible for 9/11 originated in Hamburg, and there is bound to be some of their number still lurking here. Indeed, just recently I heard a rumour they have a meeting point in the sewers beneath Harburg Rathaus- it may be worth lookng into. There is also a local kebab dealer whose general tone and demeanor towards myself I do not care for. If the situation does not soon improve he may find himself booked on a one-way torture flight to Cairo.. Only joking, as ever! I would never abuse my position as a concerned citizen of the world. Tatty bye!
Also Rich, Neville and Sonia in Probing Q.
I was initially trying to highlight the "gay subtext" so apparent within the cartoon. Sonia was just an alter ego without purpose. "Rich" was revenge for the "Rich" who called me an idiot for my Jenin comment. Bastard. The others who chimed in may be explained by chaos theory, if you need an explanation.
I´m just about to call the US State Dept. so my nerves are at me. I needed a little distraction but tatty bye once again!
Nerves fine now thanks to a furious bout of ............. Dr. Rice looking good as always. Now before you give out about me returning so soon let me tell you that all I was looking for was "deflowering teens". Fate has brought us together and will not let us part. (I think I can slowly wean myelf off your site if I can find a cyberspace version of methadone.. any suggestions? The teen thing didn´t work out. Damn Lolitas.)
It might seem like a novel suggestion but you could try getting a life. you're spending more time on the site than I do. Maybe we should give you your own section, it could be like the internet equivalent of a padded cell.
I thought you were joking about the deflowering teens bit.
Foul cur! Curb your Bite! It so happens that I am presently negotiating with Irish housewives to ascertain their preferences with regard to their shopping behaviour at Lidl and Aldi. It´s a difficult business trying to unravel their subtle minds, yet there is always a computer nigh at hand, so I can afford to blow off a little steam.
How much would you pay? I am but a soldier of fortune, my guns carry a price.
I'll buy you a pint next time you're over.
Throw in an UN-deflowered teen and I´m all yours! (That´s undeflowered; not an orgy over in Kofi Annan´s gaf or a salacious schooltrip to the Hague.)
My guess is you wouldn't say no to a salacious schooltrip to the Hague either.
Certainly not, but I just bagged me a bored housewife, gotta go!
Or a desperate one even
Kofi asked us to keep that under wraps guys and you're letting the cat out of the bag...
The Sexiest Girl in the World was mine too. How I could I forget her?Finally I reckon I got them all. Tis a dangerous business exercising your demons, you may soon find yourself to be the one jumping through hoops.. but I´d run night and day through rings of fire for that glorious wench! O how I adore you, most beautiful figment of my imagination. Beautiful and Sexy too. Beautiful in Goethe´s sense, for real beauty always contains a touch of the bizarre, the secret ingredient known only to the true connoisseur of femalia. The secret ingredient required to create the essence of Sexy is a secret of the Illuminati and must not be shared.
You people have run ouuta inspiration. This looks like the same cartoon from last friday and the friday before. You´re foolin´no one!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
I used to think the reason I don't get hate mail or even mild criticism for Edible Dirt was because, like you guys, I do a single-panel and the gags just aren't on the horizon long enough (as opposed to a mulitple-panel strip w/ recurrinhg characters that gives the disgruntled reader time to draw a bead).
But lookit this shit! You got guys bitching and raving and you didn't even kill all that many people and the blood is just little specks!
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Yeah, I dunnoe... a lot of the comments turned out to be some friends of ours winding us up (see the anonymous post above where he admits to posting hundreds of bizarre comments single handedly!).
Others I think are possibly due to Googlers not finding what they wanted or something...
Weird.
oh my god, this is the best one yet!! i sent it to like all of my friends and they all wanted the web site. 'oh its so violent' yea right! it was awesome, its not like there is someone sticking a sear through someones eyes or something crazy like that... gosh freakin idiot
ha ha thanks anmare. Or should I call you Napoleon... ;)
HA HA HA HA HA! LUV IT!!
This is sick humor, and a feeble attempt at humor. This is not even clever. I know that you guys can do better! :(
Unfortunately Chris, we're a pretty sick and feeble pair of eejits.
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